Telemarketer
A telemarketer called today my director John…again. He’s told this company he wants off the their call list, but the same guy keeps calling. John could have gone through the trouble of reporting them, but instead he let me answer the phone today.
Me: Ormsby here.
TM: Yes, I’m [name] from [company] and for just ten minutes of your time I can help you lower you mortgage.
Me: I sort of busy, I’m …preparing for a funeral.
TM: I’m sorry sir, did someone die?
Me: Not yet, that’s part of the preparation.
TM: What?
Me: I got the grave dug, the casket’s here, I just need to fill it.
TM: Um…I see I called you at a bad time…
Me: How tall are you [name]?
TM: Me? I’m 5’ 2”
Me: Darn, too short. The casket needs at least a 6’2” body.
TM: I see I called you at a bad time…
Me: Say, [name], have you ever killed anyone and felt bad about it later?
TM: What?!?! No!
Me: Me neither. Does that make us sociopaths?
TM: I see I called you at a bad time…
Me: Think of a number between 1 and 4, but don’t say it out loud. Do you have a number in mind?
TM: Um…yes.
Me: Is the number 3?
TM: Wow, it is. How did you know?
Me: Because I’m in you mind now. You thoughts are my thoughts.
TM: That’s not funny.
Me: Can I call you tonight? I got the phone number from your head.
TM: I see I called you…
Me: Every time you look in a mirror, I’ll be in the background staring back at you.
TM: I SEE I CALLED YOU AT A BAD TIME…
Me: You say that but you keep calling. You feel that? We have a connection, you and I. That’s why you call, we’re linked.
TM: Believe me sir, I am going to personally remove your number from the dialer and make sure you are never called again. Good bye, sir.
Me: Hey, [name], one more thing.
TM: WHAT?!?!
Me: I’ll always be with you. Always.
And then I hung up.
Me: Ormsby here.
TM: Yes, I’m [name] from [company] and for just ten minutes of your time I can help you lower you mortgage.
Me: I sort of busy, I’m …preparing for a funeral.
TM: I’m sorry sir, did someone die?
Me: Not yet, that’s part of the preparation.
TM: What?
Me: I got the grave dug, the casket’s here, I just need to fill it.
TM: Um…I see I called you at a bad time…
Me: How tall are you [name]?
TM: Me? I’m 5’ 2”
Me: Darn, too short. The casket needs at least a 6’2” body.
TM: I see I called you at a bad time…
Me: Say, [name], have you ever killed anyone and felt bad about it later?
TM: What?!?! No!
Me: Me neither. Does that make us sociopaths?
TM: I see I called you at a bad time…
Me: Think of a number between 1 and 4, but don’t say it out loud. Do you have a number in mind?
TM: Um…yes.
Me: Is the number 3?
TM: Wow, it is. How did you know?
Me: Because I’m in you mind now. You thoughts are my thoughts.
TM: That’s not funny.
Me: Can I call you tonight? I got the phone number from your head.
TM: I see I called you…
Me: Every time you look in a mirror, I’ll be in the background staring back at you.
TM: I SEE I CALLED YOU AT A BAD TIME…
Me: You say that but you keep calling. You feel that? We have a connection, you and I. That’s why you call, we’re linked.
TM: Believe me sir, I am going to personally remove your number from the dialer and make sure you are never called again. Good bye, sir.
Me: Hey, [name], one more thing.
TM: WHAT?!?!
Me: I’ll always be with you. Always.
And then I hung up.
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